Do you feel like you've been stuck in the same frustrating pattern over and over again? Are you tired of feeling lonely and misunderstood? Have you been told you are a narcissist and been wondering if there is a way you can make the changes needed to have healthy relationships? If you are nodding your head "yes" to any of these questions, then this blog post is for you.
OR, if you care about a narcissist but are tired of feeling like you are being steamrolled, used, and manipulated, then this blog is for you as well.
Step 1: A Narcissist has to want to change.
The first step in making any change is admitting that there is a problem. If the narcissist in your life does not want to change or even admit that there is a problem, then there is no hope that things will get better. The narcissist has to be willing to see how their behavior is impacting those around them and be motivated to make a change.
Honestly, when people find themselves struggling with narcissistic patterns and have trouble expressing genuine compassion, these can be very difficult patterns to break.
And unfortunately, if you or a loved one has strong narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder and aren't highly motivated to change, then therapy simply won't be effective.
Is Narcissism Ever Healthy?
First, let's touch on this question because it is important to understand that not all narcissism is bad. In fact, a little bit of healthy narcissism is actually necessary for success. For example, public figures such as politicians and celebrities need to have a healthy dose of narcissism or they would not be able to get up on stage and perform. They need to have the ability to think highly of themselves in order to be confident in front of large audiences.
The key here is that healthy narcissism is about having a balanced view of oneself. It's not about thinking you are better than everyone else or putting others down in order to feel good about yourself. It's about having a realistic view of your own talents and abilities and being able to use those talents to achieve your goals.
And often, it's about developing compassion and using those traits such as your confidence to show compassion for others and make a positive change in the world.
But if a Narcissist is Ready to Change, Therapy Can Help
However, there is hope! There is a possibility of change for narcissists who are motivated to develop empathy for others. In my last blog post, we hit on some of the general ways that therapy can help a narcissist. But in order to break these narcissistic patterns, the narcissist must be willing to do some self-reflection and put in the hard work.
Learning Compassion
Learning compassion is not easy, particularly for a narcissist. And many never do. Compassion is not something that comes naturally to most people, let alone narcissists. Narcissists tend to be very focused on their own needs. So, learning to have empathy for others can be a real challenge.
But if you are coming to realize that you have strong narcissist tendencies and want to learn compassion to improve your relationships, you can. You don’t have to be lonely; you can change and do good in the world.
It is possible for narcissists to learn compassion. With therapy, narcissists can learn to understand and even share the feelings of others. They can learn to see things from another person's perspective. And with time and practice, they can learn to care about the needs of others.
You Must Have Motivation to Learn Compassion
Narcissists aren't by nature really motivated to learn compassion. But, they often realize that their narcissistic patterns are not working well for them. They may come to therapy because they want to improve their relationships or they may be struggling with loneliness or anxiety. Maybe they've been given an ultimatum and if they don't change they'll lose a significant other or a job.
Whatever the reason, in order for therapy to be effective, the narcissist must be motivated to learn compassion. And that motivation needs to be enough to really keep them committed to doing the work. If you are not motivated to change, then therapy will not be effective.
A Narcissist Must be Committed to Change
Because it's not easy to change narcissistic patterns of behavior, a narcissist must be committed to doing the work. Change takes time and effort. And, unfortunately, there is no quick fix. So, if a narcissist is not willing to put in the time and effort, then change is not likely to happen.
But if a narcissist is committed to change, therapy can help. Therapy can provide the tools and support that a narcissist needs to learn compassion.
Through therapy, narcissists can start to break habits and start to think about things differently. Everyone has what we call "schemas" that impact how they think about the world. These are just a specific cognitive framework that helps you interpret new information as you interact with the world and they're ingrained so deeply in your thinking that you filter new information through them without even thinking.
In order for therapy to be effective in helping a person learn compassion, you'll have to gain insight into the old schemas you've developed. You'll begin to look closely at these schemas that have acted as "shortcuts" in how you make sense of things and understand the world. And, you'll have to start to transform those schemas so you have a healthier way to look at the world around you. In other words, you'll need to learn a new way to think about things that is better for those around you and better for your relationships.
This is not easy work. But, it is possible. And, if you're committed to doing the work, you can learn compassion.
The Bottom Line
Whether or not a narcissist can learn compassion is up to the individual. If a narcissist is motivated to change and is willing to put in the hard work, then yes, it is possible for them to learn compassion. But, it's not easy and it takes time. So, don't expect overnight miracles. And keep in mind that many narcissists don't change. So, it truly does come down to having strong motivation, ongoing commitment to change and working with a mental health provider who is willing and able to help you make lasting changes in your life.
Therapy for Narcissists in Tennessee
If you are struggling with narcissistic tendencies or NPD, real change can’t begin until you reach out for professional help. A therapist can help you better understand others, help you develop compassion and teach you skills that can help you have healthier, happier relationships.
If you are ready to start your counseling journey, you can follow these simple steps:
Contact me at stucook@vituscounseling.com or (615)-709-5779
Schedule a free consultation call and learn more about my services
Begin counseling in Brentwood, TN or online anywhere in Tennessee
ADDITIONAL COUNSELING SERVICES OFFERED AT VITUS COUNSELING
At Vitus Counseling I offer a range of mental health services. I understand that people are complex. So, I can help if you are struggling with substance abuse, depression, or anxiety. Additionally, I provide counseling for trauma and PTSD. If you are Catholic, I offer Catholic counseling as well.
While my counseling office is currently located in Brentwood, I can provide online counseling to anyone living within the state of Tennessee. If you’re considering counseling, or if you have questions about how counseling can help you, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
